...::Tales From Jhumritalaiya::...

Dilbert

2011-06-09T04:36:00.000-07:00

Comic for May 22, 2011: "

So Long ! - and Thanks for All the Fish

2011-01-22T10:15:00.000-08:00

ICICI Can go pHU(|< themselves !

2010-08-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

USE OF UNPARLIAMENTARY LANGUAGE BY CUSTOMERS

Dear Customer,

ICICI Bank gives customer service paramount importance. Our personnel treat customers with politeness, courtesy and respect at every interaction. Sometimes, mitigating circumstances, like systems downtime, policy-related issues and compliance-related concerns, may compel us to convey decisions that may not be to your entire satisfaction. These are, however, only the exception and not the rule. The rule is to provide agreeable solutions, and that too at the first interaction itself; and the compliments we receive from satisfied customers - through our website, by phone, by e-mail and by letter - while indeed very heartening, serve to inch the bar higher.

However, customers resorting to provocative and unparliamentary language or rude and disruptive behaviour stretch tolerance, cause distress and impact on morale and efficiency. This can lead to a compromise in the level of service received by other customers and is therefore untenable. Therefore, despite the acknowledged primacy that a customer in the service industry commands, we must inform you with the greatest reluctance and deepest regret that henceforth, customers found to be offensive in their interaction with us will be required to close all their relationships with ICICI Bank.

Sincerely,

ICICI Bank Ltd.

As if a distressed customer was interested in keeping his relationship alive with them ? Ohh and btw on what grounds m***f**rs ?

http://icicibank.com/unparliamentary-language-by-customers.html

We Indians are Cheap |\/|07h3rfu(k3r5

2010-02-21T02:23:00.000-08:00

Ofcourse only after the lone Australian :-) And BTW - Pune tops the list you see :-) Also note the miserable download speed and 7 seeders ?

Overenthusiastic Airtel Installation /\/\07|-|3RPhU(|ker

2010-01-29T09:26:00.000-08:00

If you suddenly find the NEC-6650A drive or any such DVD drive on your notebook is not working - particularly when an Airtel installation dude AKA /\/\07|-|3RPhU(|<3r lays his hands on your notebook. Please follow the following steps :

http://www.techsupportforum.com/hardware-support/driver-support/206557-solved-nec-dvd-rw-nd-6650a-driver-missing.html

The /\/\07|-|3RPhU(|<3r> went and disabled the following keys in my registry. Only after I ran a Sherlock Holmes style investigation [ that too after a month - work is keeping me way way too much occupied ] - did I realize what the /\/\07|-|3RPhU(|<3r>

Here is what he changed -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AutoRun#NoDriveTypeAutoRun
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AutoRun#NoDriveAutoRun

Wonder WTF did BillGindows had a problem with just this much of a registry hack. So if you have a NEC drive which is not working, and you think it had reached the end of its life span. No folks - you are wrong.

Here is the quote of the day - Rocky and Mayur Style : My sincere apologies to NEC and Dell, the culprit was Airtel.
Btw I flashed this drive with the latest firmware too ! Felt so handicapped without a DVD writer !

Now Potency Tests Before Marriage - The Tamil Way !

2009-09-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

First there was Khushboo about premarital sex and now there is one called Manorama who has stirred quite a controversy over the whole potency test before marriage issue.
So CNN-IBN who are running low on their viewership and often find themselves resort to India-TV'ish tactics decided to take the issue at hand and who better than Sagarika Ghose A.K.A. Bahubali.

This lady probably excited with the subject matter - made a statement somewhere in the middle of the show - 'A guy who has erectile dysfunction wont be a good husband'. While the panelist tried to intervene and said probably you mean err - "Sexual partner" not husband. But Bahubali carried on !

Made me wonder there must be a STORY behind this and maybe its worth finding out who the poor sod married to the sleeveless sensation was. And god oh god !

Rajdeep, I do feel sorry for you after I looked around and discovered IT WAS YOU man. It was YOU.
No matter how much the poor panelists tried to save the grace by trying to convince is idiot woman that its marriages werent just about Erectile Dysfunction [ and there was always Fevicol or Feviquick ] the woman wouldnt JUST listen. Rajdeep, sorry mate !

Btw, Google throws up some interesting things when you look up Sagarika Ghose. Note the last entry as well. Wonder who was so lame to come up with such a query. These results were put up by Google much before the feature aired.

Tamilnadu - What do you have in store for us next ? Premarital Sex to Determine Potency Test ?

Quitting Infosys

2009-09-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

I wonder if they make it so traumatic for people working there at Infosys ? Anyone ? Nandan ?

What An Effing Idea M**rs !

2009-07-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

I never had my doubts about how retarded the whole Idea business was. I mean I always wondered why they couldn't quite gain as much ground as Airtel came from behind and zoomed past their lazy asses. These images are self explanatory.

I have three questions for Kumarmangalam Birla.

1] Why does a customer have to watch the ugly hairy face or Jr. B everytime they visit this effing website and then skip to whatevercellular.com ?
2] I mean since when -1 was a unique reference number ? Is DOT [ Department of Telecom ] even listening ? Whats this whole business. I want my privacy and all I get is a -1 ?
3] Well no comments here. How retarded either Billdesk is or Idea is I am not sure.

P.S. If you are an "Taking India to the World" employee and are trying to threaten me/post comments here, take your scam somewhere else.

Disgusting is the plain word ! Talk about India Inc. And DO NOT DISTURB ? I think it should be DON'T GET DISTURBED !

Why are headhunters overwhelmingly idiots ?

2009-07-14T05:41:00.001-07:00

Dr Muthuswamy compelled me to do my own research on this topic and as I was seeking nirvana on this whole issue I realized I wasnt alone.
This got to answer all those questions oh all those poor souls plagued by Headhunters !

DR MUTHUSWAMY

2008-07-30T05:33:00.000-07:00

[ With all due respect to the Father of the Nation who wished we weren't as choosy about our jobs and all jobs were equal [Is that what he said ?] ]
Dude, I must be appearing so much in need of such rewarding jobs to DR MUTHUSWAMY.
Its quite amusing to imagine being a Waitress in some resort-spa in Malaysia or a masseur using palm oil.

Note to Ethnic Malay and Tams like DR MUTHUSWAMY: The Father of Nation described here is Father of OUR nation i.e. India alone and not to be confused with Father of any other nation. No Malays/Tams were harmed during the writing of this post and any issues you might have with regard to racial / ethnic slur would be under the jurisdiction of the Mumbai high court.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello to the smart soul,

Does your average sized human brain prompt you ever to check if the skill set of the person you contact is relevant for the positions you are hiring for ? I worry about your clients. Please please spare me of the torture of going through your emails.

TIA,
Hemant

From: DRMUTHUKUMAR RAMASWAMY
Subject: EMPLOYMENT VACANCIES
Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:58:02 +0400
From: mrswamy@omantel.net.om

We are currently recruiting candidates on different positions in our New Hotel Resort and Spa in Malaysia.
We need the following candidates with right working attitude.
1.Customer Care Services/ Receptionist
2.Bar Tender, Waiteress
3.Administrative Clerk, Administrative Assistant, Housekeeping Staffs,
4.Front Desk Officer, Front Office Manager
5.Food & Beverage Manager, Food & Beverage Supervisor, Assistant Restaurant Manager
6.Accounts Executive,
7. Conference & Banqueting Manager
8.Sales Assistants... etc.
Interested candidates may email their resume (with recent photo), Application Letters
and Academic Credentials/Certificates to;
Email: human_resource01@hotmail.com

Only shortlisted candidate will be notified

Thanks .
Management
HUman Resources

I must be feeling so lonely !

2008-07-30T05:18:00.000-07:00

Panoramas

2008-07-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

Panoramas from my recent trip to Fort Purandar - Vajragad on 5th July 2008. The first one is taken from Baapdeo Ghat near Kondhwa and is a panorama of Pune as seen from there and the second one is the first sight of Purandar from the base. The height of around 4550 ft from MSL. I wonder why Kondhwa and Saswad is such a dry country ?

[ Note for Plagiarists - I am not a great photographer, though if you try your luck with me, believe me Ill f**k your happiness :-) I am quite good at it. ]

राखी सावंत

2008-06-27T04:43:00.000-07:00

भरून आले आसमंत ! रडू लागले संत !
महाराष्ट्राची खंत ! राखी सावंत !

Credited to Unkown !

Visa Blues

2008-06-24T06:09:00.000-07:00

A good friend and a collegue got into Stanford and Purdue. His take on "Ohh my god I am so happy I just got my VISA" feeling, mostly enjoyed by poor wretched Tatya fools. In this case a "she Tatya", hence referred to Tatiyana.
Glossary : "She Tatya" is a variety found in abundance in Pune engineering colleges. Read on in his own words !

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaka GuruVich !

I was quite inspired by tatiyana's mail so I decided to write my own VISA blog :). I was in line with a couple of smelly Gults and here's how it went ...

VO : Good morning !
Gult 1 : Good Morning to you too Saar !
VO : All right first question ... say "God bless America"
Gult 1 : "God bless Amreeeca"
VO : Your VISA is rejected .. get out !

Then comes the next guy

VO : Good morning !
Gult 2 : Good Morning to you too !

.. ok that went well .

VO : Wich college are you goin to ?
Gult 2 : University of Alabama
VO : Hmmmm ... ok ... what do they call the folks down there ?
Gult 2 : (A bit confused) Enti ????
VO : What are the people of Alabama known as ??
Gult 2 : Errrrrrr .... Alabamese ?
VO : Wrong !!!
Gult 2 : Errrrrrr .... Albanians ?
VO : Wrong again !!!
Gult 2 : Sorry ... I give up.
VO : We call them inbreedin hicks.
Gult 2 : Enti ??????
VO : Do you have any maternal cousins in the US ?
Gult 2 : Yes.
VO : VISA rejected ... get out !!!!

Things are not going to well and I start revising the drill ... be confident .. always smile ... maintain eye contact etc.

I'm there and I see that it's a chick who's doin the interviewing. Now this makes it completely different ... it's hard enough lying to a chick ... and whoever came up with the stupid eye contact bit ???

So here's how it goes ...

VO : Why do you want to go to the US ?
ME : Graduate studies in nanoelectronics followed by Phd and academic research.
VO : Really ???
ME : All right .. all right .. life sucks in Hyderabad and ... I want to live my American dream.
VO : Why do you want to go to Purdue ?
ME : It's got a world renowned nanoelectronics program . Its one of the top colleges in the world.
VO : Really ??
ME : Errrrr ... no .. it's a got a huge undergrad population ... I can play big daddy to the undergrad chicks.
VO : Hmmm . what will you do after your MS ??
ME : I'll continue with research and then come back to India to settle down with my parents.
VO : Really ??
ME : Errrrrrr .... no .... I'll marry a rich South Indian chick .. and start my own little sweatshop in India with the dowry ... tormenting poor souls back home with WPRs ... while I live the good life in the US.
VO : How do you plan to pay for your MS ??
ME : I have my fathers savings and some of mine.
VO : Really ???
ME : All right .... I'll clean toilets of course.
VO : Do you smoke / drink ??
ME : Yes
VO : How do plan to pay for that ???
ME : (I hadn't figured that out so I decide to put it back to the VO ) ... Hmmmm ... what's worse than cleaning toilets ?
VO : Working for a gult start up
ME : (Shit ... I realize I'm getting back to where I started). No .. No ... anything else that I could do that's equally depressing ?
VO : Teaching Undergrads.
ME : Fine ... I'll do that.
VO : (Thinking) All right ... I've been in Chennai only a few months and I can Imagine what you've been going through.
VO : Your VISA is granted.

Holy Crap !

2008-06-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

Referrals - They Know - Matrimonial Spam

2008-03-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

The sort of stuff you receive from these matrimony sites even after you delete your account. Focuses more on "Pyar Ke Side Effects" !

The Club Mahindra spam. The referral earns the matrimonial guys some bucks I guess. Watch the form. The mandatory field called *Type of Car Owned: (eg: Honda City, Hyundai Santro).
Wtf ? I had an urge to fill in "Ferrari" and curse and tell blatently that I lied to the hopeful Club Mahindra idiots. !

This is the masterpiece of all. Amazingly this was sent on HIGH priority. They know how desperately I need condomes here. Now they know as much about me now that I have deleted my account. These guys know a lot more about you isnt it ! Well click on the images for full size ones. There is an interesting questionnaire you got to answer if you want to be one of those lucky exclusive 1000 indian "The Durex Condom Testers" ! Make sure to use alternate methods. They could have "Beta" in fine print for you :-)

So True

2007-09-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

Another commandment at the same Icecream shop

Priceless

2007-09-20T02:21:00.000-07:00

There are some things money cant buy, for everything else there's Old Monk.

Panoramas

2007-09-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

My attempt at Panorama. The rice field is messed up somehow. Nevertheless.
The tall peak to right is Fort Torna [ 4600 Ft] and to the left the distant peak is mighty Fort Rajgad once a capital of Chatrapati Shivaji before Raigad. Click for full size.

Waterfall at Thoseghar. I wasn't sure, if it would turn good, too bad I didn't take more shots. Click for full size.

[ Note for Plagiarists - I am not a great photographer, though if you try your luck with me, believe me Ill f**k your happiness :-) I am quite good at it. ]

I did

2007-09-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

Ad at an Ice cream shop. Quite unfortunately, there were none who could do justice to the ad :-(

Warning : Licking or trying to bite your computer monitors can be hazardous for your health :D

Treeful of Kingfishers !

2007-09-01T12:31:00.001-07:00

Beer Tree - planted by some hopeful drunk morons. Grows beers every monsoon. Location : Fort Avchitgad, Roha.Dist. Raigad, Maharashtra.

P.S. The fruits were plucked and disposed. Nevertheless, you can try your luck :p

Mf***g Bloodsucking Leech

2007-09-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

This bloodsucker latched onto me today at Thoseghar. I had got "at least" three of these m*frs on me as far as I knew. I had not seen a leech ever before in my life. When I asked the forest guard at the office when I spotted some weird creature in my socks : "Are there any leeches here". The answer was YES. After a while he pointed out to this one on the floor and said, THIS WAS ON YOU, you might not figure out now where it bit you but late at night you sure will.

And now I come back home after 9 hours to find I am bleeding right at my waist. Yes a narrow escape. He said a Leech latching on "THERE" could be the biggest nightmare a MAN can ever have...

Still bleeding as hell. Btw these m**rs just spit this blood out after a while when they think they have had enough, and no matter how much you stomp on them etc. they just don't die. Never push your luck with these m**f**g leeches :-(

2007-08-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

Ready to eat Bhuttas - A hutment enroute Fort Visapur admist heavy rains. Heavenly. 18th August 2007

2006-12-29T01:51:00.000-08:00

A happy face popularly known as Chuck from our Mahabaleshwar-Pratapgad excursion this Thursday. Chuck is a multi-talented individual. In his spare time he composes Telugu songs and sings them well too.

2006-12-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

Getting a chance to put down something after a while. Keeping busy lately. A plugfest I attended in Taiwan and then work has been pretty overwhelming. Though the Author is not here to brag about his workload. Other thing that has been keeping me busy these days is matrimony. YES. Et tu Author !!

I would write a conventional/traditional/philosophical constipated rant about it later. I would write about people we all love to hate during this whole matrimony thing.... Our parents. Though during this whole process I came across variety of specimens which I am trying to classify and thats the focus of this post.

Disclaimer1: Author is not a disgruntled specimen in this market. The author is a tall handsome individual who earns well beyond the average salaries for an average IT joe and his profile statistics reflect that too. The female readers of this blog are encouraged to leave their contact details in the comments field :-)

Disclaimer2: No chicks were harmed during the writing of this blog post. If it turns out that all the characters here are real then any coincidence is a work of fiction and WUI [ writing under influence ].

Either case, coming back to the thesis - So the categories roughly go as

1] Rohini Hattangadi Types - Well just by the looks actually. Secondly this variety has not yet lost the baby fat. Has some time on hands [ 23 yr old or something ] for the parents to be alarmed reasonably and the realization to sink in that you arent drop dead gorgeous.

2] Miss Cheap Chick TM - This one looks wise is oppositte of former one. Yes she is good. Though she is dumb. Which did not get her a job in campus at college. Miss Cool does not secure a bf from college. Age wise this specimen falls in the same league as Ms. Hattangadi. Now the work at hand this one has is to register on these portals and work on the GRE.
Typical demands are - Settled in US, State - Any. When the demands are not met, this specimen resorts to Guirella tactics and drops the whole thing.

3] Miss Cheap Cheek [ Ulhasnagar finished Miss Cheap Chick TM ] - This one is undereducated, ghastly in appearence. Though the expectations match miss Cheap Chick TM.

4] The NGO Types - She is the most sweet mannered chick AKA Gayatri Joshi in Swades except her looks. She has excellent written and verbal communication skills. Though she is too nice for a lazy cheap psycho like the Author.

5] The multiple personality disorder chick [ AKA Miss Edward Norton from Primal Fear ] - This one has conflicting statements in two versions of her profile across portals. Especially around the smoker and boozer..err...drinker field. Typically this one makes a nice trophy page 3 wife.

6] The Crossdresser Chick - Guys who are bad at filling up the sex field at these websites.

7] The Little Red Riding Hood Chick - Typically, the chick's baap, bhai etc hiding behind the PYT. Very dangerous variety.

Stay tuned for more ...

BCCI - I am back !!

2006-09-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

They have a portal called www.bcci.tv where they claim that their website is coming soon. How soon ? I guess it would be when Duke Nukem forever would be released.

Apart from ICC there is something called asian cricket council. Well apparently as per the ACC website the BCCI head-office is still SK Nair's house. Check this page on ACC website.

Check this page at Marylebone cricket club [ MCC - Lords ] website. SK Nair strikes back.

Check this page on Newzealand cricket website. Even Bangladesh cricket has a website. Hongkong cricket has a website. Whats wrong with BCCI? And whats with SK Nair? Wake up Pawar, we arent that dumb. Gone are those days. Face the flak. Wherever the office is..update the address dude. Even Kiran More is gone now. Why have Nairs name there ..

I sincerely request all you guys to drop SK Nair the ex-secretary an email at the email ID mentioned below and ask him what was he thinking when he put up HIS home address and this stupid email address called secbcci@sify.com [?] as BCCI contact details. Poor guy...not his fault. But I mean was he nuts when he did that?

Here is how the conversation would have went - when ICC/ACC/MCC wanted the contact details.

Timeframe - Navaratri - Durgapuja days
Location - Somewhere in Calcutta.

Nair - Mr $[Dal]miya, I got a "fax" from Malcom Speed. They say they need our contact details and web address.
$miya - Website? whats that? Why the fuck do they need that. Tell them people in subcontinent dont care about what-is-it-called..website..
Nair - Err Sir, there is this thing called Internet which is a series of tubes. Everyone has their address there these days and its required apparently.
$miya - Crap, whatever. Look I have to go. I got to go talk to the Ten Sports guys. Lot of $ at stake you see. Why dont you put your residence address for now on that Internet?
Nair - Err..Okey Sir. But they need an email address too sir.
$miya - Email address? What on earth is that? Look Nair I have to go its important.
Nair - ? ...Sir..
$miya - Okey, hey why dont you go talk to Saurav I guess he would know about it. Talk to him and figure it out. Afterall, if he is not doing good with the bat, he better be good with this whole email thing. Now I have to go, getting late..

[ And the rest is history. Not only Saurav solved Nair's problems, but he did create few for $miya too and he did all that using EMAIL ... ]

Disclaimer :

If sometime in future the BCCI guys are pissed off since I get the first hit on google [ which means they are idiots at SEO as well ] here is a cached link as an evidence.

The contact details for BCCI -

BOARD OF CONTROL FOR CRICKET IN INDIA

Kairali
GHS Lane
Manacaud
Trivandrum 695 009
Kerala India
Phone: ++91 471 476 893
Fax: +91 471 464 620
E-mail: secbcci@sify.com

Apple and their ways !!

2006-09-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

They send me this newsletter saying the Nano is available in new vibrant colors etc. They have upgraded the max capacity to 8G. The new Nano looks like a thinner version of Mini. Okey fine, I never wanted a PINK nano or something, but that makes me fear if the new ones make my black nano obsolete?

Well, there is a catch - Now the 4GB Nano no longer would be available in black. You need to get a 8G one. And all those vibrant colors are available only in 4GB version of new Nano.

History repeats itself. Apple has always made money on colors. Why do you think a black MacBook for same configuration is 200$ costlier than the white one?

My 4G black Nano is a prized possession. Thank you Apple !!

2006-09-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

Sunset on CA-1 at Big Sur.

Definitely dumb [male] ..

2006-09-04T00:14:00.000-07:00

This guy almost got his bike to the base of Lohgad..trying to return after a failed attempt....beyond the good old Hotel Lohgad point..Background ..his gf...
They parked it *somewhere* and returned though ..

Snex ..

2006-09-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

Whotf is Mirabel ?

2006-08-21T00:53:00.000-07:00

My Gulti Fan

2006-07-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been packing up for my long ride home from SFO to MUMBAI, I returned my rental car today so weekends I am kinda locomotionless. I had procured enough fuel for the weekend anyway. So since its my turn to get bored and stoned, I decided to get onto yahoo chat. And since I was stoned I just got onto it onto the #India chatroom with my primary ID.

I use gaim for messaging, I like it. Gaim sucks at times with its tooltips getting stuck on a specific region of screen area. Today I noticed that even when I signed out of the chatroom gaim didnt log me out completely.
The author would like to dedicate the following post to the developers at http://gaim.sourceforge.net and the makers of Heineken who made this possible. The author is also greatful to Redpine Signals, for hiring the author for a period of 2003-2004, and letting the author discover the gulti mess called Hyderabad.
So, gaim didnt sign me out completely and it started a series of 99% gulti IMs when author was busy freeing up disk space for pr0n and consuming Heineken.

Disclaimer: I am least bothered to mask the IM Ids in the following conversation, if you try bug the author, you would be reported to yahoo. I dont know about the other man. Gult chicks, maybe you can try your luck. So here we go.

(04:28:25) ravi_kalla: hai

(04:28:35) ravi_kalla: how r u dear

[ Sounds like Ford ad.. Bold moves ha....dear and stuff? ]

(04:29:02) hemantaaa: im grate

[ Well I have to try my best to sound like a gult chick ]

(04:29:19) ravi_kalla: hello

(04:29:27) hemantaaa: hei

[ Even if it takes texting like a gulti ]

(04:29:39) ravi_kalla: where u fr
(04:29:51) ravi_kalla: wts grate???

[ Well whats hai idiot? If you can say hai, I can say I am "grate "]

(04:30:06) hemantaaa: grate..

(04:30:16) ravi_kalla: yyyyy

(04:30:25) ravi_kalla: y.....

[ Well he wants to say why? ..he wants to know why I am "grate "]

(04:30:33) hemantaaa: me frm hyd

(04:30:40) ravi_kalla: ok

(04:30:51) hemantaaa: y am grate?

[ Well what the hell. Do I have to explain why I am great? ]
[ Let me go grab another "grate" beer ]

(04:31:13) ravi_kalla: wts GRATE???

(04:31:41) : Buzz!!

[ Eager Beaver getting impatient]

(04:32:19) hemantaaa: u dont knw grate?

(04:33:15) ravi_kalla: dont know

(04:33:33) hemantaaa: its good

[ Enough "grate "ing the "coco" nuts here ..lets move on ]

(04:33:44) ravi_kalla: ok

(04:33:49) hemantaaa: ok

(04:34:03) ravi_kalla: asl plz

[ Bang on target, Dude ]

(04:34:19) hemantaaa: i tol you na im from hyd

(04:34:30) hemantaaa: y ask for l?

[ Trying some chick stuff, man ..I am enjoying this stuff ]

(04:34:51) ravi_kalla: wts u r name

(04:35:37) hemantaaa: its sailaja

[ Some gulti chick I know, or Swat"h"i would help too ]

(04:35:42) ravi_kalla: ok

(04:35:57) ravi_kalla: r u studying ?

(04:36:50) hemantaaa: i work

(04:36:51) ravi_kalla: iam also fr hyd

(04:36:55) ravi_kalla: ok

(04:37:10) ravi_kalla: iam also working in hyd

(04:37:11) hemantaaa: whre frm?

[ Man this stuff is difficult, its like unlearning all the english you learnt, all the way ]

(04:37:15) ravi_kalla: hyd

(04:37:37) hemantaaa: whre do u wrk?

(04:37:55) ravi_kalla: working in software

(04:38:24) ravi_kalla: hello $ u???

[ Whats that? He wants to know my salary? ]

(04:38:50) hemantaaa: wats that

(04:39:01) ravi_kalla: hello & U?

(04:39:05) hemantaaa: i dint get wat u say ravi

[ By calling the bakra by first name..the Author is trying to connect to the victim bakra on a personal level ...]

(04:39:11) ravi_kalla: where u r working

(04:39:32) hemantaaa: which company u wrkin for?

(04:39:41) ravi_kalla: igate

[ Honestly, looking at what this guy is upto, I wouldnt bother to even look around on web for this thing ]

(04:39:50) ravi_kalla: & u

(04:40:24) hemantaaa: i wrk for redpine

[ Moment of truth, Sailaja did work for Redpine ]

(04:40:36) hemantaaa: whres igate ravi

[ Again, the first name thing.. ]

(04:40:46) hemantaaa: is tht ur name?

(04:40:52) ravi_kalla: banjara hills

(04:41:00) ravi_kalla: ya ravi

(04:41:17) ravi_kalla: wts hemantaa means

(04:41:20) hemantaaa: were? rd no 2?

[ Well, having stayed there helps. Everyone knows Banjara hills, but go on..you'd figure out ]

(04:41:51) ravi_kalla: near prasad eye hospital

(04:42:09) hemantaaa: me too near lv prasad hospital

[ Thats where my Gulti employters had their office, back in 2003-2004]

(04:42:16) hemantaaa: weres ur office?

(04:42:36) ravi_kalla: where it is redpine ?

(04:43:12) hemantaaa: u knw sagr sceity

(04:43:24) ravi_kalla: YA I KNOW

(04:43:58) hemantaaa: weres ur office?

(04:45:17) ravi_kalla: opp telugu desamu party office

[ There was a random barron land that ChandraBabu Naidu the EX-CM converted into a park called KBR park, thats what is oppositte the party office ]

(04:45:36) hemantaaa: thers kbr park opp party office

(04:45:47) hemantaaa: ur ofice is in the park?

[ See, knowing hyd really helps. I am glad this dude came into my life tonight, I was so bored man ]

(04:46:18) ravi_kalla: near kbr park

(04:46:31) hemantaaa: k..

(04:46:47) ravi_kalla: y u asked about sagr society???

[ When did I ask man? I was telling you about it ]

(04:47:06) hemantaaa: bcaz my ofice is there

(04:47:37) ravi_kalla: ok

(04:48:29) hemantaaa: u know sagr society

(04:48:41) ravi_kalla: u r office near there u know about igate

(04:48:48) ravi_kalla: ya ikow

(04:48:53) ravi_kalla: i know

[ Ok dude, I can read, I am not deaf too ]

(04:49:03) hemantaaa: i donno abt igate

(04:49:11) ravi_kalla: ok then cool

(04:49:38) ravi_kalla: tell me about sagr society

[ Making a conversation ha? Whats there to know about that place? ]

(04:49:58) hemantaaa: can u tell me more abt igate..i can tell u abt sagr soceity

(04:50:16) ravi_kalla: ok wt details u want

(04:50:31) ravi_kalla: its a software compny

[ Making a conversation dude, You want to know about Sagar Society, I want to know about Software companies. I just love them you know ]

(04:50:34) hemantaaa: like wat u do ther

(04:50:54) hemantaaa: k..i like software

[ See I like soft "wear" ]

(04:51:07) ravi_kalla: test engineer

[ Eeeks, thats like the worst of the gulti bf to have ]

(04:51:45) hemantaaa: u use winruner..my frnd use it

(04:52:02) ravi_kalla: no iam in mannual testing

(04:53:57) hemantaaa: how do u do tht

[ This is a news to me, this is worstest.. I dont know what exactly this manual testing is..but having watched gultis I can guess ]

(04:54:08) ravi_kalla: which type of company (redpine)

(04:54:17) hemantaaa: sorry if im aksin 2 many qns

[ Well, you have to bring in this thing at times to keep it chick"ish" ]

(04:54:51) ravi_kalla: by mannualy

(04:55:04) ravi_kalla: ok

(04:55:17) hemantaaa: i dono much abt softwre testing

(04:55:19) ravi_kalla: tell me about redpine

[ Now he wants to know more about Sailaja ]

(04:55:34) ravi_kalla: ok ask no prob

(04:55:40) hemantaaa: i do pcb work for redpine

(04:55:51) ravi_kalla: pcb means

[ Honestly, the kind of work that went on at Redpine, for this kind of character, PCB layout chick was the only appropriate occupation I could come up with for my Alter Ego ]

(04:56:25) hemantaaa: printed cirkit brd

(04:56:38) ravi_kalla: ok

(04:56:50) ravi_kalla: can i know u r age

[ Well, trying to get into my pants...its hot in here dude..I am not wearing any ]

(04:56:53) hemantaaa: u dont know pcb

(04:57:14) ravi_kalla: no

(04:58:01) hemantaaa: ok..u engineer na

[ Trying to play on the guys ego ]

(04:58:21) ravi_kalla: ya

(04:58:25) ravi_kalla: then

[ See ]

(04:59:07) hemantaaa: no pls dont get upset..just aksing

[ Iodex... ]

(04:59:23) ravi_kalla: ok

(04:59:52) ravi_kalla: hemantaa means ???????

(05:00:54) ravi_kalla: hello

[ Law of conservation of Liquid - Too much liquid intake needs equal amount to be given away by body. Since the amount of liquid in body == constant. READ - Author went to take a leak, and subsequently grab another beer ]

(05:01:35) hemantaaa: i dont no what it menas

(05:02:09) ravi_kalla: y u kept that i think u r name is sailaja

(05:02:09) hemantaaa: u like icecrme?

[ Why is he after my IM nick so much man? ]

(05:02:17) ravi_kalla: ya

(05:02:37) hemantaaa: bcoj i don want ppl kno my real name

(05:02:50) ravi_kalla: nowu r enjoying ice cream

[ What am I? Chick wearing polka dot essentials? Licking a strawberry cream icecream ?.. ]

(05:02:54) ravi_kalla: ok

(05:03:11) hemantaaa: nowu..no

(05:03:46) ravi_kalla: u r staying with u r parents

[ No I am Preity Zinta, I am Gulti to the core and I am living in with Saif Ali Khan and my address is 69, Salam Namaste ]

(05:03:58) hemantaaa: yes ravi

(05:04:02) ravi_kalla: ok

(05:04:10) ravi_kalla: where u r home

(05:04:28) ravi_kalla: me sri nagar

[ So he wants to know ha ]

(05:05:33) hemantaaa: i in venkatgiri

[ Well this is some major shady area bordering Jubili Hills and Yousufguda. Again thanks god I met this great guy from Hyderabad ]

(05:05:44) ravi_kalla: ok

(05:06:17) ravi_kalla: u forget about sagr society

(05:06:40) ravi_kalla: y u asked about sagr society

(05:06:45) hemantaaa: wat did i frgt abt it

[ What the fuck is wrong with Sagar Society now? What does he want to know about it? ]

(05:06:52) hemantaaa: i tol u

(05:07:02) hemantaaa: my ofice is ther

(05:07:18) ravi_kalla: ok soorry

[ Oops...Mr Dude apologizes ]

(05:07:42) ravi_kalla: tell me u r age ???

(05:07:57) hemantaaa: u tell then i tell u

[ Bhartiya Nari ]

(05:08:07) ravi_kalla: 25 m

(05:08:27) hemantaaa: im 23

[ The Author is 27 .. ]

(05:08:37) ravi_kalla: ok

(05:08:49) hemantaaa: which collage did u go

(05:09:09) ravi_kalla: andhra university

[ Well I didnt know about this part..or university ]

(05:09:36) hemantaaa: no JnTu?

[ Jawaharlal Nehru Technological Univeristy, a good college in Hyd ]

(05:09:59) ravi_kalla: no

(05:10:27) hemantaaa: ok

(05:10:29) ravi_kalla: fr chaytanya collage from kakinada

(05:10:42) hemantaaa: ok

[ So kakinada is in AP ha? All i know is most of the coastal storms always hit Kakinada...INSTAT-1B 3C..whatever...Anyway enough playing games with the guy..Author needs another beer and its 5 here...]

(05:10:52) hemantaaa: hei ill go

(05:10:59) ravi_kalla: ok

(05:11:06) hemantaaa: bye

(05:11:30) ravi_kalla: ok bye bye

(05:11:34) ravi_kalla: take care

(05:11:52) hemantaaa: bei bei

Disclaimer: Please note that the author is capable of communicating in english fluently in both verbal and written forms. All the comments posted to this article would see a grammatically correct reply. The coloring of post also comes due to the fact that you can export the conversations as HTML in gaim. The author is efficient and not bored to an extent to color the conversation.

I miss ...

2006-07-26T00:44:00.000-07:00

Some of the things you miss not being a part of the monsoons in Sahyadris.
Location - Fort Visapur, Maharashtra, India.

Ancient ..

2006-07-22T04:05:00.000-07:00

Slice of an old [?] tree trunk in Big Basin Redwood state park CA.

Bixby Bridge

2006-07-20T01:07:00.000-07:00

Bixby Bridge, CA-1 CA.

Big Sur

2006-07-17T02:25:00.000-07:00

Sunset sky on CA-1 near Big Sur

Ruins ..

2006-07-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

Last pieces of fortification on Rohida ..

Location - Fort Rohida, Bhor, Maharashtra - India

Lush ..

2006-07-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

Trek to Hadsar ..Year 2005.

Location - Fort Hadsar, Junnar, Maharashtra - India.

Ah ..

2006-07-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

A rather blue day at Santa Cruz, CA.

2006-07-12T02:05:00.000-07:00

I took a heavenly ride through our silence.................
I knew the moment had arrived.............................
For killing the past............................................

Coming back to life ..........................................

Crater Lake

2006-07-10T01:59:00.000-07:00

Wizard Island - Location Crater Lake in Crater Lake National Park Oregon.

Loo - 2

2006-07-07T01:05:00.000-07:00

The controversial loo graffiti !!

Loo

2006-06-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

A printout in the office restroom today -

"Please aim for the urinal not the floor"

Found some equally interesting reply

"I share your frustration, but I suspect the problem is flush splatter not poor hand-eye co-ordination"

Why didnt I bring the camera to the office today?

Wai - Kamalgad

2006-06-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

Taken at Jambhali, Walki basin near Wai. Fort Kamalgad.

San Gregorio Creek

2006-06-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

San Gregorio Creek on CA-1 and CA-84 intersection.

Pigeon Point Lighthouse

2006-06-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

Pigeon Point Lighthouse on CA-1 near Pescadero. The tallest on California coast and one of the tallest in the country.

Leadership Qualities

2006-06-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

Is the ability to talk bullshit when all you know is nothing...

-Me

According to Urban dictionary

1] Leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow.
2] Its when some asshole juggalo who hugs everyone tell others what to do.

2006-06-25T14:10:00.000-07:00

Taken from Mission Towers parking lot at Sunset.

2006-06-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

Member - hemant****
Current google talk status - अभी फ्रस्ट हूं, केवल आपातकाल में संपर्क करे1

1Inspired and refined from a inspired friend's अभी व्यस्त हूं, केवल आपातकाल में संमपर्क करें.

2006-06-20T00:32:00.000-07:00

हॅलो वर्ल्ड !!

Pink Fluid

2006-06-14T02:28:00.000-07:00

I would like to call these stories Bay Area cronicles or something, which quite doesnt rhyme as much as Sunnyvale slut [ The enlightened ones know ]. But I would resist temptation as that is not a central theme here -

So here goes another incident. This is more WikiHow'ish in nature. So the place where I park my car has a tree overlooking it and I dont know what that tree's problem is but everyday my car is sprayed with more and more stickeyish substance.
While this wouldnt matter much otherwise, but on the windshield it hampers my visibility so much that, eventually I ran out of windshield wiper fluid.

When this happened and I used the vipers it left weird sticky scars of the sticky substance all over the windshield and made a big mess. I tried the Jim Carry way of driving in Me Myself and Irene but did not help. Although owning a car back home I wondered why I wouldnt know about this thing called WWF [ Windshield wiper fluid ].

Initially I thought its OK to put water in there, which would sound THE normal thing for anyone. BUT I was wrong, they dont do it that way here, because in colder climates the thing can freeze and can lead to fuse being blown off etc etc. Although being in bay area, I decided to give the scientist in me a try.

So I got to know that after googling and checking number of discussion boards that

1] Its not water, its mix of water detergent and methanol for changing its freezing point.
2] There are howtos about how to make one yourself at home. I Concluded myself that I didnt care about the freezing point here, using my desi more than average sized brain. So I did not care about the methanol part. Else some Jack Daniels I got free due to the store guy's mistake would have been handy. [ Ethanol / Methanol, point is to bring down the freezing point ].

Now comes the big question - The prepartaion.
So here is the recipe.

Ingredients -

1 - Empty mineral water bottle
1 - Loo [ Preferably with not many people in it ]
1 - Office [ With a water dispenser]

Method -

1] Get the empty mineral water bottle from your car.
2] Take the bottle and head to the loo.
3] Pump the liquid soap in the bottle.
4] The bottle is tall enough not to let you use the tap to fill water in it. Consider getting those plastic cups in loo to fill bottle. Else go back to office and use the drinking water dispenser to fill it upto the brim.
5] Smile at everyone and greet everyone who enter the loo, or collegues who look puzzled about the pink fluid in an Aqafina bottle.
6] Close the cap. Shake well.
7] Walk up the car. Open the hood [ Requires some research, but not a big deal ].
8] Read step 5 when people in parking lot give you puzzled and weird looks.
9] Observe the various tanks and caps and read the labels. DO NOT, DO NOT pour this stuff in the tank labelled power steering fluid, or even the radiator [ It doesnt tell you it IS the radiator ].
10] Look for the sign of wipers or familiar on a cap, pour the stuff in that tank.
11] Try out the wiper washers to check if this works.
12] If you cant locate the WWF tank,during 9] ask a collegue who doesnt demand that you fill his WWF tank too with this stuff.
13] Ignore the poor sod who says its a "special" liquid and you will have to get it from the store. He is an ass.

Disclaimer: To be tried at one's own risk. Also not to be tried in cold climates. The author is a cheap bastard and was desperate to save some bucks.

2006-06-14T00:28:00.000-07:00

I have been itching to pen down couple of [??] interresting incidents those have occured, since I have landed here in the ultimate destination of every desi, the bay area. These things need really really elaborate posts and effort and its more likely that I would get flamed. But what the heck this is my space and hit Alt+F4 if you even get the slightest doubt that you might not appreciate the contents ..

So here is an episode that happened two days ago - I was getting back home and had to pick something for dinner. There is one mexican place on El Kamino here and they serve some nice grilled chicken. So decided I go there. Interpreting makka accent or maybe its the problem with all these eateries ..so here is how the conversation went ..

Disclaimer : No mexicans or chickens were harmed while writing this article. Two pints of Corona extra were consumed by author while he wrote this post.

Participants -
Me : Yours Truely
Makki: Fat unattractive mexican chick referred by the common derogatory racial slang [used only by desis] here. [ I belive no mexicans read this blog till this day ]

Me: [ Since I can read, and english writing doesnt have accent thankfully. Deciding which thing to choose from ]

Makki: *(&#*$&#*^***
Me : .....? !!....
Me : Id have two pcs of chicken and two sides with it. Id have a corn cobette and french fries
Makki: *(&#*$&#*^*** tortila *((* [ Corn or flour tortilla? ]
Me : Yeah Tortilla ..
Makki: ?

Makki: [ Sure by now that I have a hearing problem and enacting what she is saying, like they used to do on the Doordarshan news on sunday for the hearing impaired ]

Makki: What part of the chicken [ This i could hear ]. The leg [ poiting at her leg while lifting it a bit ], the thigh [ Doing what pehelwans do in akhada ] or the breast [I dont remember this part]
Me : [ To cut it fast ] Legs
Makki: [ Although I said I wanted corn and fries for sides,you know how this army of robots works ].
Makki: [ Sticking to her beliefs about her new FOB customer ]
Makki: What would you like for sides [ pointing at the various sides available on a piece of paper ]
Me : [ Hurriedly, worried ], Fries and Corn
Makki: You want "French fries" and "Corn cobette" ?
Me : [ "Hurriedlest" ] Yeah Yeah
Makki: **(#*(***** [0-9]* $
Me : Thank you

But I like the chicken they have ...so much for food in this country man.

Crap

2006-06-07T17:40:00.000-07:00

My today's fortune - "You will inherit a large sum of money"
Gotta put this onto urban legend.

2006-03-13T06:15:00.000-08:00

Martians would love google too !! Thats the face featured in Mission to Mars

2006-03-09T04:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Boss .........

2006-03-01T03:45:00.000-08:00

I am getting popular as junta's spam-saviour on the web, particularly for this hard-drive killer virus. Check this and this.

Secondly henceforth I am going to block all those idiots who are still sending me those junk IMs on yahoo about j_neutron07. Meantime I have made good friends with some romanian who added me when I attempted adding j_neutron07 ;-)

Another search keyword thats brings some traffic here is bcci website. I have no idea what stops them from putting up one. Either case I guess I can easily win one of those Nigritude ultramarine contests ;-)

Interesting Coasters

2006-02-23T22:27:00.000-08:00

2006-02-21T03:29:00.000-08:00

I became a victim of burnt baby alexandra !!

2006-02-21T03:19:00.000-08:00

Aftermath of the neutron episode.

I got couple of add requests1. I added them in return. Still waiting for my harddrive to crash !!

[Edit] - 1Got two add requests one from Julius Pop and one from Relu Boy [?] The j_neutron request is still pending [ Although it would have been fun to chat with a harddrive killer ].

2006-02-10T02:52:00.000-08:00

harshalx (2/9/2006 8:58:18 PM): if someone by the name of j_neutron07 wants to add you to their list dont accept it. Its a virus. Tell everyone on your list because if somebody on your list adds them, you will get it too. It is a hard drive killer and a very horrible virus. Please pass this on to everyone on your list. We need to find out who's using these accounts. Right click on your group name of your buddy list and click Send Message to all. Copy and paste this message

Another piece of scum. These types hope for everyone to send this spam to each and everyone in their YIM list hoping maybe the service crashes or something. I havent fully understood the motives of this one. Or maybe yahoo is trying to collect the list of all big idiots out there and terminate them [ That would be the day ]. I keep getting these from "friends", I wonder why are they bothered about my PC's health. So I did all the "dont-dos" described above. I sent multiple messages to this j_neutron07 guy but got no reply and I also added him1 to my list and whooaa nothing has happened as yet. No I am not using a thin client.

1 For I suspect its a he and I deserve my freedom of suspicion.

2006-02-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

To read the following you need to posess the uncanny ability not possessed by mortals to read Maay-Marathi [ ok thats Marathi ] spelled in Roman script, for the author has some acquaintances who only communicate by this method of communication. This is a uncut - unedited YIM conversation between yours truely and an old friend[??]. Sometime its just difficult to keep up.

[ At office trying to get something done after walking in late .. ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:20:05 PM): are aahes kuthe ?
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:20:15 PM): evadhe kaam karoo naye manasane
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:16 PM): office madhe
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:18 PM): kuthe asnar
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:24 PM): kasala ka,
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:30 PM): 1 wajta aloy office madhe
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:38 PM): gar padlas ka? [ Long pause..beats Vajpayee ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:20:39 PM): ok [ Ok? you thought that long to say that? ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:20:50 PM): mag aata ratri 1 la ghari ka ?
hemant (1/27/2006 1:21:07 PM): nahi
hemant (1/27/2006 1:21:20 PM): thoda ushira..1 wagere kai wed laglay ka mala
hemant (1/27/2006 1:24:29 PM): sandas la gelas ka re [ Another long pause..attempted humour by ME ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:24:47 PM): are cafe madhe aahe......
hemant (1/27/2006 1:26:31 PM): cafe sandasat ahe ka? [ Another attempt ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:26:39 PM): [ Smiley ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:27:00 PM): aaj kay kamdham nahi vatate [ I dont know from where that comes from, either too much of work or no work? What does this guy think I am? ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:27:16 PM): bar, hapis chya pori kaay mhantat? [ Ok hang on, I do "GET" to see chicks around me and I dont sail endlessly on ocean waters with no signs of oppositte sex, although the kind of profession I chose made sure I was never to get many chicks around me ..still wtf ? I mean what sort of question is that ?? Ok been there done that..not NOW.. ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:30:52 PM): chal re...lag kamala...nighto mee pan [ Huh? Whos in a hurry? Or is it "You cant fire me coz I leave" ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:31:16 PM): pudhcha manus ala watata
hemant (1/27/2006 1:31:23 PM): sandas sathi? [ Maybe tasteless humour more of Lakshmikant Berde types, I was irritated honestly ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:31:38 PM): majala ka re bhad.........[ Lack of humour, politeness everything ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:31:47 PM): ? [ Trying to judge whos fault it is - Counting till 10]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:31:49 PM): [ Smiley - Attempt to undo the damage ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:32:12 PM): chala tata..tuza tas sampla asel [ I can be rude, I mean there IS this thing called broadband for Christ sake, for 400 bucks odd a month and know what? You get it here in India ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:32:26 PM): 2 tas [ Could it get any more lame than this? ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:32:50 PM): whatever..ill need to run..chal bye [ I am not enjoying this conversation anymore, and where would I run? I have no chicks to run after at my office..sob ..sob.. ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:33:17 PM): ya

Idiocy at its best !!

2006-01-18T03:41:00.000-08:00

Before you read the following - You might want to check RFC1855 for netiquette guidelines. It clearly states that your network previllages will be revoked if you forward chain mails. [ They do it in Intel ].

Did you ever receive this email stating that some three year old was raped in South Africa etc. This email has a big list of idiots who protest this hypothetical phenomenon. Then this email urges you to append your name and forward it to as many people as you can.
Ohh did you just ask how would that help? Noo you arent supposed to ask that question. Forwarding is fun isnt it? Afterall we are all given email ids and they have to be put to some good use helping mankind. Pure plain (#().

While its a serious issue - how on earth would forwarding that email help keep that CPU A.K.A child protection unit open? Get out there and help if you want to idiots.
This email also urges if you are idiot_number 120 to mark a copy of the same to that_poor_soul_getting_spammed@child_protection_agency_or_whatever.

Now watch this, I am this stupid birdbrain of whatever_gender [ I dont want to invite flames based on gender issues, although its observed that chicks often are seen to lack the analytical skills that are necessary to fight this scum. ].
So back to where we were, so I am this mortal_no_119 on the list and I work for this_company which has 2*119 number of equally idiotic populace working with me.

And I forward this to all@employer_of_idiots.com and eureka all my fellow idiots [all of them on number 120] send a copy to that_poor_soul_getting_spammed@.. .
Innovative ways to spam right? The success rate is dependant on how good did all the number_118s perform. Principles of any chain reaction apply here. Hence if you want to craft a scum like this in the name of Lord Balaji its advisable to choose a number of this order.

Coming Up - A whitepaper titled Choice of the spam threshold - A case study.

What disturbs me is when someone I know and thought "was" normal forwards me an email like that !! Ohh yeah and thats gonna leave out quite a few number of ppl who can_not read_this_post. Sorry buddy but Tuesday's gone.

Check these links out -

Urban Legend
Child_Protection_In_SA

P.S. I tried debugging how it came to me and I can observe some pattern here. Can you?

22.Milos Mitrovic (

Croatia

)
23.Zahida Sultana Khan (

Australia

)
24.Yasmin N M S Kemal (

Pakistan

)
25.Saira H Sikand (

India

)
26.Nandita Anjaria(

India

)
27.Nishita Shah (

India

)
28.Reshma Vaishnav(

India

)
29.Nikki (

India

)
30.Jagdish(I

ndia

)
31.Anuradha (

India

)

2006-01-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

\/\/44w !!

BCCI website

2006-01-10T02:58:00.000-08:00

[Edit 2] You are fooled by the torpid BCCI, they do-not have a website and this is not the place to look for it. Thanks for being one of the numourous pitiful souls who search for it and land here everyday. Sequel to this post, i.e. Nair-Saurav-$miya-Pawar special edition here
[End Edit]

[Edit] If you are looking for the BCCI webpage, it does not exist and you have wasted valuable time searching for one. This is no attempt of cybersquatting. Ironic that the idiots do not have a website still. After months of wait finally the India page on the ICC website is updated, The original article was written which is kinda irrelevant in the current context of things is below.
[End Edit]

Instead of a CEO the need of the hour is a website for BCCI.
Have a look at this page for BCCI @ the ICC website.

See that mallu address there? Guess its SK Nair's home address or something. Who SK Nair? Ohh he is the Ex-BCCI secretary. Oh you can spam that email id too if you wish to.

Now have a look at the page for australia. Ohh yeah cricket australia has a website.
Even Karnataka State cricket board has a real great website.
And talk about professionalism and CEOs ...long way to go Mr Pawar !!

Even Barmy army has a website you idiots ........
Someone get those lunatic bongs to protest for a website than for whats-his-name's exclusion .... !!

633k 7h1n6 #1104

2006-01-08T23:07:00.000-08:00

1 6u355 1f 1 h4v3 70 845h 50m3 jun74 1 (4n v3ry w3|| 8|06 1n |337 4nd 637 4w4y w17h 17.

SEO

2005-12-19T23:41:00.000-08:00

I just checked my hits and noticed some interesting stuff. I never expected someone searching for happening places to party in lonavala to land here. A search for "biggest party in the universe" too would bring you here.

And I thought H2G2 was a cult. Afterall Google bombing isnt that difficult !!

Lallan #2

2005-12-13T01:25:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer : No Bihari Paanwalas or South indians were harmed while writing this particular blog post.

Do you want to know what this foolchand chamiya is? After some reasearch and attracting loads of weird looks from equal number of paanwalas one of our special correspondent here found out that -
Its a paan which is used like an aphrodisiac and finds its place by that famous glass of milk the heroine brings the hero in Bollywood movies and you know when !!

Another mind boggling trivia - this came up during a argument of highly IM'ish nature about South indians Vs Maharashtrians/Gujrathis.

Name ten south indian freedom fighters

Tough isnt it?

Lallan Panwala !!

2005-12-01T23:49:00.000-08:00

Taken enroute Rohida on Golden quadrilateral. Lallan's speciality is a pan called Foolchand Chamiya !!

Lallan
Originally uploaded by hemantaaa

Mulshi and the Biggest Party in the Universe !!

2005-11-28T01:17:00.000-08:00

Saturday 26th November

Thought would trek this saturday, although ended up in bed till 3.00 in the afternoon. I cooked the spoiler myself on Friday [ Read - A rather late Friday night beer session at Pandey's ]. The saturday series of events included a massive headache, rather late lunch at garden court with some beer and tasty prawns/surmai. A surprise encounter with an ex-PICTian classmate who was getting married the next day in Pune. Followed by a Hinjewadi phase 3 exploration instead of the planned drive to Lonavala. Planned to go-cart at Mundhwa , dropped in at Pandey's place for some time in Baner on the way to Mundhwa. He tried to get us in for the biggest party in the universe1 which we politely turned down and headed towards Mundhwa. Much to the our annoyment finding that the place called first-cart had been closed down.
Concluded with a cocktail dinner at Riverview.

1 - A party described by Douglas Adams in his Hitchhikers Guide to Galaxy and our term for a friend's RAVE party at a farmhouse on Solapur Road happening on the same day.

Sunday 27th November

Got up late [ again ], much around the same time. Thanked god for not attending the biggest party in the universe. The memories of the headache on Saturday due to my deeds on Friday night were still fresh. Decided to drive to Mulshi. Picked up some beer on the way.
Music : Floyd, Metallica, GNR, and assorted !!
Concluded with some beer and food at Oasis.

Alok and to the right you can see Dhanno

Mulshi.........
The *blue* whale out there !!

KV Shoots

Skepticism #1102 Google and Riya !!

2005-11-23T04:38:00.000-08:00

Skepticism #1102 - Google and ~~CIA~~ Riya

The guys at google have done it again. I just came across Riya as one of the top searched keywords on technorati. Now since nothing remotely Indian except the IIPM has earned that honor since I know and the whole Ashmit Patel - Riya sen episode was quite old by now I got curious and found that, these guys have plans to buy the face recognition software company Riya. Name Riya comes from the fact that the CEO is a desi. On the face of it nothing scary about this for a layman, but I found interesting apprehensive post here about this whole episode.

The excerpt [ Yeah yeah..copy paste ..saved you some mouse clicks ]

Go to riya.com. Look at what they do. Now think. Google knows who and what I search for. They know all the email I’ve ever communicated. They have a pretty good idea where I live. I’m not sure I’m totally happy about them being able to pick me out of a photo as well!
……
…….
Say, if you had a set of “faces” linked to email address of people who you had a fair idea were living in an area, wouldn’t it be something to set up a camera outside a shop. Then you could send email to every person who went into the shop that day.
Hang on though. What if looked alike to someone else, someone who just really pissed someone off? What if someone (maliciously) tagged me as someone other than who I was. Oh it goes on!

Sometimes its good to analyze the darker side as well I guess. Technology as good as its intended purpose !!

Geek Thing #1103

2005-11-09T04:15:00.000-08:00

A slashdot thread about a Wimax mobility card deployed by an australian ISP. Hilarious !!

Aussie :

As an Aussie, I'm sick of seeing submissions on Slashdot from other Australians that hype the Australian angle to every story. This is typical Australian insecurity. Since we are isolated down here at the opposite end of the world to the USA and Europe, most Australians see a need to shout "Don't forget about us!!" constantly, as if to remind the world that we are still here.

If this technology was being trialled by an ISP in any other country, the story would primarily be about the technology, maybe with a note about where it was being trialled. But since this is being trialled in Australia first, the headline and summary hype up the Australian angle. Hopefully one day us Australians will be secure enough that we can stop constantly worrying about what everyone else thinks about us.

Non-Aussie :

You aussies have computers?!

Aussie [ Geek first ] :
Yeah, but we run into problems, because the endianness switches once you are south of the equator.

On the plus side, it allows us to run MacOS on our AMD/Intel beige boxes.

A proud aussie pitches in -

Yes we do, do you Americans have brains?

...

More replies..

Non-Aussie :

(My deepest apologies, but I can't pass up the opportunity)

I think the submission only makes such a big deal out of it because it must have been really tough to develop this while fighting off dingos and kangaroos and crocodiles and throwing boomerangs around and playing didgeridoos.

Americans outnumber aussies

Non-Aussie :

throwing boomerangs around

if you throw a boomerang and it doesn't come back,
what do you call it?

.

.

.

a stick

I love that joke. Ya, I know, I need help :-)

Skepticism #1101 - Google and CIA

2005-10-21T03:40:00.000-07:00

Found this article on eetimes today.To cut the long story short the fact is that CIA has an investment arm called In-Q-Tel whose mission is to deliver cutting edge technologies in market to the CIA. Something fishy here. You'll be amazed at the kind of companies those guys have funded. Go check that list out at their website.

Google:
One can see Keyhole's name in the CIA elite club. Again there is this big debate about the pictures of military bases avaible through google earth.

And now the most interesting part - Keyhole was recently bought over by google. Find the details here. There is also a big fight about the google cookies, find it here.

Do you think Sergey Brin is a cross dresser ?

Conversation #1101

2005-10-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: If you are another teeny weeny self proclaimed feminist bitch, read at your own risk. Now that you are past the warning sign post you cant accuse me of being a MCP or something like that.

So here goes an interesting piece of conversation -

Venue: Apache - FC Road
Participants: Yours truely, Pandey, Kesari, Pnaik and a "Offshored to Japs" friend of "some aquaintance". [ Yeah whats this guy doing here, I wanted to ask the same ]. { I hate excess baggage, but this was a surprise item }. Anyways lets call him Mr_Know_it_all.

Menu: French fries, Chicken Sandwitches, Beer
Music: Pearl Jam, Metallica, Linkin Park, System of a down, etcetera
Mood: Drunk

Mr_Know_it_all: I have bose speakers, I have blah...i bought it in Singapore for blah $.
I have Bose headphones, I plug them to my blah....[ ass ]
--- SNIP ---

Mood: Bored

Me: I read somewhere that Japanese females these days dont want to get married.
Mr_Know_it_all: Yeah its a big issue out there.
Me: I guess its because japanese men have small dicks
Mr_Know_it_all: [ Acting smart ] How do you know?
Me: Ohh I saw it in porns
Mr_Know_it_all: But japanese chicks are tight down there
Me: Ohh ok, I didnt know that
Mr_Know_it_all: And russian chicks are so amazing in bed
Me: Russian chicks? huuum, thats weird.
Mr_Know_it_all: No russians are good man, you should get married to one. I can tell you a website. blah blah blah.
Me: Huh, you talking about brides.ru? what are you? A pimp or something
Pandey: Exactly.

Geek Thing #1102

2005-10-20T02:04:00.000-07:00

When people ask me stupid questions like why did I buy Maruti [ Esteem ].
An Eakta Kapoor style explanation could be:

I wanted to buy a car which had "ma" at the start and "ti" to end it and a "r" somewhere. That left me with two options -
Maserati & Maruti.
Since I couldnt afford the former one, I went with the later.

Geek Thing #1101

2005-10-17T01:13:00.000-07:00

Posted by Picasa

Found - ~(1%2B-sqrt(5))*(2**-1) on Slashdot commenting about Vim 6.4 release.
Image from John Dierdorf's home page.

Temptation #1101

2005-10-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

The urge to guzzle a pint while you are leaving for the day when :

You have had consumed ample the day before, and havent caught sleep.

Alcoholism is a dependency on alcohol characterized by craving (a strong need to drink), loss of control (being unable to stop drinking despite a desire to do so), physical dependence and withdrawal symptoms, and tolerance (increasing difficulty of becoming drunk).

[ From Wikipedia ]

Aaargh #1101

2005-10-10T06:37:00.000-07:00

[1] Downloading a >= 700MB file on P2P network to discover you already had it.
[2] Loosing a download in Emule due to insufficient diskspace / power outage.

Specimen #1102

2005-09-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

This is interesting. I got it from one of the victims. [ So dont make any assumptions about the IQs of people I work with, I dont work *there* ]. Reflects some serious aspects of corporate email ethics. [ Bit of formatting done, although you can notice the email writing skills of the involved people ]. God save this country !!

----- Original Message -----

From: Specimen #1102

To: Potential_Specimens; BirdBrain Bitch ; all@whatever.com

Sent: Wednesday, July 27, 2005 4:33 PM

Subject: cosmic attack

Tonight by 12.30 am cosmo rays from Mars enter into our atmosphere. You are reqested to SWITCH OFF your mobile during that time .This is a request by NASA through BBC . Pls Forward it to all

Thanks & Regards,
Specimen #1102

----- Original Message -----
From: BirdBrain Bitch [mailto:xxxxxxxx@mahindrabt.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 27, 2005 4:49 PM
To: Specimen #1102 ; Potential_Specimens ; all@whatever.com

Subject: Re: cosmic attack

hey everyone is interested in knowing details abt it .......plz send soon!!

questions:

1. why r rays cmg frm mars?

2. wht time do they stop cmg??

3. y affecting only mobiles?

4. will it affect all sorts of phones: GSM/WLL?

5. ne delay due to rain?

plz answer these first we'll follow the next round of questions later!!!

Thanks and Regards,

BirdBrain Bitch
Babylon, ICE
O2(U.K) -MBT

Tel : +91 20 560xxxxx Extn : xxxx
>From UK : 0845 xxx xxxx Extn : xxxx

----- Original Message -----
From: The_Guy_Who_Fights_The_Scum [ I like this guy ]
To: 'Specimen #1102 ' ; Potential_Specimens; BirdBrain Bitch
Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2005 9:59 AM
Subject: RE: cosmic attack

Hi,

This is official spokesperson for the cosmic rays issue

Here are the answers

As India is an overpopulated country Mars is overly populated with rays.. so they(rays) migrate to earth every time a mail like this is circulated
They stop coming as soon as you forward the mail.
They affect only mobiles because it is written in the mail.
It affects only the cell phones of ppl who don’t pay their monthly bill..(no worry for ppl with prepaid connection)
Instead they come really fast in rains as they skid on the rain water
I hope this answers your questions

If you have more questions you are most welcome

Thanks

XXXX

Senior scientist , NASA

Specimen #1101

2005-09-28T22:42:00.000-07:00

Subject - FW: It is not a five star hotel. IT IS A CALL CENTER

-|-
-|-
-|-

A chain of embedded outlook messages. I hate these intertwined forwards, they just seem to be circulating around since the big bang. The campus is INFOSYS Mysore centre. Who gave this son of a gun this bright idea that its a call centre,

When you yourselves are a disgruntled employee of some second tier call centre, because you dont deserve more than that as is apparent from such bandwidth hogging emails, and expect more than what you deserve, when your job profile involves bugging people with bullshit offers of personal loans and free credit cards, when you have that weird bhaiya accent..this is what you can do at best...

Forward those stupid emails...!!