To read the following you need to posess the uncanny ability not possessed by mortals to read Maay-Marathi [ ok thats Marathi ] spelled in Roman script, for the author has some acquaintances who only communicate by this method of communication. This is a uncut - unedited YIM conversation between yours truely and an old friend[??]. Sometime its just difficult to keep up.


[ At office trying to get something done after walking in late .. ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:20:05 PM): are aahes kuthe ?
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:20:15 PM): evadhe kaam karoo naye manasane
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:16 PM): office madhe
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:18 PM): kuthe asnar
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:24 PM): kasala ka,
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:30 PM): 1 wajta aloy office madhe
hemant (1/27/2006 1:20:38 PM): gar padlas ka? [ Long pause..beats Vajpayee ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:20:39 PM): ok [ Ok? you thought that long to say that? ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:20:50 PM): mag aata ratri 1 la ghari ka ?
hemant (1/27/2006 1:21:07 PM): nahi
hemant (1/27/2006 1:21:20 PM): thoda ushira..1 wagere kai wed laglay ka mala
hemant (1/27/2006 1:24:29 PM): sandas la gelas ka re [ Another long pause..attempted humour by ME ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:24:47 PM): are cafe madhe aahe......
hemant (1/27/2006 1:26:31 PM): cafe sandasat ahe ka? [ Another attempt ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:26:39 PM): [ Smiley ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:27:00 PM): aaj kay kamdham nahi vatate [ I dont know from where that comes from, either too much of work or no work? What does this guy think I am? ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:27:16 PM): bar, hapis chya pori kaay mhantat? [ Ok hang on, I do "GET" to see chicks around me and I dont sail endlessly on ocean waters with no signs of oppositte sex, although the kind of profession I chose made sure I was never to get many chicks around me ..still wtf ? I mean what sort of question is that ?? Ok been there done that..not NOW.. ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:30:52 PM): chal re...lag kamala...nighto mee pan [ Huh? Whos in a hurry? Or is it "You cant fire me coz I leave" ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:31:16 PM): pudhcha manus ala watata
hemant (1/27/2006 1:31:23 PM): sandas sathi? [ Maybe tasteless humour more of Lakshmikant Berde types, I was irritated honestly ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:31:38 PM): majala ka re bhad.........[ Lack of humour, politeness everything ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:31:47 PM): ? [ Trying to judge whos fault it is - Counting till 10]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:31:49 PM): [ Smiley - Attempt to undo the damage ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:32:12 PM): chala tata..tuza tas sampla asel [ I can be rude, I mean there IS this thing called broadband for Christ sake, for 400 bucks odd a month and know what? You get it here in India ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:32:26 PM): 2 tas [ Could it get any more lame than this? ]
hemant (1/27/2006 1:32:50 PM): whatever..ill need to run..chal bye [ I am not enjoying this conversation anymore, and where would I run? I have no chicks to run after at my office..sob ..sob.. ]
XXXX (1/27/2006 1:33:17 PM): ya

Idiocy at its best !!

Before you read the following - You might want to check RFC1855 for netiquette guidelines. It clearly states that your network previllages will be revoked if you forward chain mails. [ They do it in Intel ].

Did you ever receive this email stating that some three year old was raped in South Africa etc. This email has a big list of idiots who protest this hypothetical phenomenon. Then this email urges you to append your name and forward it to as many people as you can.
Ohh did you just ask how would that help? Noo you arent supposed to ask that question. Forwarding is fun isnt it? Afterall we are all given email ids and they have to be put to some good use helping mankind. Pure plain (#().

While its a serious issue - how on earth would forwarding that email help keep that CPU A.K.A child protection unit open? Get out there and help if you want to idiots.
This email also urges if you are idiot_number 120 to mark a copy of the same to that_poor_soul_getting_spammed@child_protection_agency_or_whatever.

Now watch this, I am this stupid birdbrain of whatever_gender [ I dont want to invite flames based on gender issues, although its observed that chicks often are seen to lack the analytical skills that are necessary to fight this scum. ].
So back to where we were, so I am this mortal_no_119 on the list and I work for this_company which has 2*119 number of equally idiotic populace working with me.

And I forward this to all@employer_of_idiots.com and eureka all my fellow idiots [all of them on number 120] send a copy to that_poor_soul_getting_spammed@.. .
Innovative ways to spam right? The success rate is dependant on how good did all the number_118s perform. Principles of any chain reaction apply here. Hence if you want to craft a scum like this in the name of Lord Balaji its advisable to choose a number of this order.

Coming Up - A whitepaper titled Choice of the spam threshold - A case study.

What disturbs me is when someone I know and thought "was" normal forwards me an email like that !! Ohh yeah and thats gonna leave out quite a few number of ppl who can_not read_this_post. Sorry buddy but Tuesday's gone.

Check these links out -

Urban Legend
Child_Protection_In_SA

P.S. I tried debugging how it came to me and I can observe some pattern here. Can you?

22.Milos Mitrovic (Croatia)
23.Zahida Sultana Khan (Australia)
24.Yasmin N M S Kemal (Pakistan)
25.Saira H Sikand (India)
26.Nandita Anjaria(India)
27.Nishita Shah (India)
28.Reshma Vaishnav(India)
29.Nikki (India)
30.Jagdish(India)
31.Anuradha (India)

\/\/44w !!

BCCI website

[Edit 2] You are fooled by the torpid BCCI, they do-not have a website and this is not the place to look for it. Thanks for being one of the numourous pitiful souls who search for it and land here everyday. Sequel to this post, i.e. Nair-Saurav-$miya-Pawar special edition here
[End Edit]

[Edit] If you are looking for the BCCI webpage, it does not exist and you have wasted valuable time searching for one. This is no attempt of cybersquatting. Ironic that the idiots do not have a website still. After months of wait finally the India page on the ICC website is updated, The original article was written which is kinda irrelevant in the current context of things is below.
[End Edit]

Instead of a CEO the need of the hour is a website for BCCI.
Have a look at this page for BCCI @ the ICC website.

See that mallu address there? Guess its SK Nair's home address or something. Who SK Nair? Ohh he is the Ex-BCCI secretary. Oh you can spam that email id too if you wish to.

Now have a look at the page for australia. Ohh yeah cricket australia has a website.
Even Karnataka State cricket board has a real great website.
And talk about professionalism and CEOs ...long way to go Mr Pawar !!

Even Barmy army has a website you idiots ........
Someone get those lunatic bongs to protest for a website than for whats-his-name's exclusion .... !!

633k 7h1n6 #1104

1 6u355 1f 1 h4v3 70 845h 50m3 jun74 1 (4n v3ry w3|| 8|06 1n |337 4nd 637 4w4y w17h 17.

SEO

I just checked my hits and noticed some interesting stuff. I never expected someone searching for happening places to party in lonavala to land here. A search for "biggest party in the universe" too would bring you here.

And I thought H2G2 was a cult. Afterall Google bombing isnt that difficult !!

Lallan #2

Disclaimer : No Bihari Paanwalas or South indians were harmed while writing this particular blog post.

Do you want to know what this foolchand chamiya is? After some reasearch and attracting loads of weird looks from equal number of paanwalas one of our special correspondent here found out that -
Its a paan which is used like an aphrodisiac and finds its place by that famous glass of milk the heroine brings the hero in Bollywood movies and you know when !!

Another mind boggling trivia - this came up during a argument of highly IM'ish nature about South indians Vs Maharashtrians/Gujrathis.

Name ten south indian freedom fighters

Tough isnt it?

Lallan Panwala !!

Taken enroute Rohida on Golden quadrilateral. Lallan's speciality is a pan called Foolchand Chamiya !!

Lallan
Originally uploaded by hemantaaa

Mulshi and the Biggest Party in the Universe !!

Saturday 26th November

Thought would trek this saturday, although ended up in bed till 3.00 in the afternoon. I cooked the spoiler myself on Friday [ Read - A rather late Friday night beer session at Pandey's ]. The saturday series of events included a massive headache, rather late lunch at garden court with some beer and tasty prawns/surmai. A surprise encounter with an ex-PICTian classmate who was getting married the next day in Pune. Followed by a Hinjewadi phase 3 exploration instead of the planned drive to Lonavala. Planned to go-cart at Mundhwa , dropped in at Pandey's place for some time in Baner on the way to Mundhwa. He tried to get us in for the biggest party in the universe1 which we politely turned down and headed towards Mundhwa. Much to the our annoyment finding that the place called first-cart had been closed down.
Concluded with a cocktail dinner at Riverview.

1 - A party described by Douglas Adams in his Hitchhikers Guide to Galaxy and our term for a friend's RAVE party at a farmhouse on Solapur Road happening on the same day.

Sunday 27th November

Got up late [ again ], much around the same time. Thanked god for not attending the biggest party in the universe. The memories of the headache on Saturday due to my deeds on Friday night were still fresh. Decided to drive to Mulshi. Picked up some beer on the way.
Music : Floyd, Metallica, GNR, and assorted !!
Concluded with some beer and food at Oasis.

Alok and to the right you can see Dhanno

Mulshi.........
The *blue* whale out there !!

KV Shoots

Skepticism #1102 Google and Riya !!

Skepticism #1102 - Google and CIA Riya

The guys at google have done it again. I just came across Riya as one of the top searched keywords on technorati. Now since nothing remotely Indian except the IIPM has earned that honor since I know and the whole Ashmit Patel - Riya sen episode was quite old by now I got curious and found that, these guys have plans to buy the face recognition software company Riya. Name Riya comes from the fact that the CEO is a desi. On the face of it nothing scary about this for a layman, but I found interesting apprehensive post here about this whole episode.

The excerpt [ Yeah yeah..copy paste ..saved you some mouse clicks ]

Go to riya.com. Look at what they do. Now think. Google knows who and what I search for. They know all the email I’ve ever communicated. They have a pretty good idea where I live. I’m not sure I’m totally happy about them being able to pick me out of a photo as well!
……
…….
Say, if you had a set of “faces” linked to email address of people who you had a fair idea were living in an area, wouldn’t it be something to set up a camera outside a shop. Then you could send email to every person who went into the shop that day.
Hang on though. What if looked alike to someone else, someone who just really pissed someone off? What if someone (maliciously) tagged me as someone other than who I was. Oh it goes on!

Sometimes its good to analyze the darker side as well I guess. Technology as good as its intended purpose !!

Geek Thing #1103

A slashdot thread about a Wimax mobility card deployed by an australian ISP. Hilarious !!

Aussie :

As an Aussie, I'm sick of seeing submissions on Slashdot from other Australians that hype the Australian angle to every story. This is typical Australian insecurity. Since we are isolated down here at the opposite end of the world to the USA and Europe, most Australians see a need to shout "Don't forget about us!!" constantly, as if to remind the world that we are still here.

If this technology was being trialled by an ISP in any other country, the story would primarily be about the technology, maybe with a note about where it was being trialled. But since this is being trialled in Australia first, the headline and summary hype up the Australian angle. Hopefully one day us Australians will be secure enough that we can stop constantly worrying about what everyone else thinks about us.

Non-Aussie :

You aussies have computers?!

Aussie [ Geek first ] :
Yeah, but we run into problems, because the endianness switches once you are south of the equator.

On the plus side, it allows us to run MacOS on our AMD/Intel beige boxes.

A proud aussie pitches in -

Yes we do, do you Americans have brains?

...

More replies..

Non-Aussie :

(My deepest apologies, but I can't pass up the opportunity)

I think the submission only makes such a big deal out of it because it must have been really tough to develop this while fighting off dingos and kangaroos and crocodiles and throwing boomerangs around and playing didgeridoos.

Americans outnumber aussies

Non-Aussie :

throwing boomerangs around

if you throw a boomerang and it doesn't come back,
what do you call it?

.

.

.

a stick

I love that joke. Ya, I know, I need help :-)

Skepticism #1101 - Google and CIA

Found this article on eetimes today.To cut the long story short the fact is that CIA has an investment arm called In-Q-Tel whose mission is to deliver cutting edge technologies in market to the CIA. Something fishy here. You'll be amazed at the kind of companies those guys have funded. Go check that list out at their website.

Google:
One can see Keyhole's name in the CIA elite club. Again there is this big debate about the pictures of military bases avaible through google earth.

And now the most interesting part - Keyhole was recently bought over by google. Find the details here. There is also a big fight about the google cookies, find it here.



Do you think Sergey Brin is a cross dresser ?

Conversation #1101

Disclaimer: If you are another teeny weeny self proclaimed feminist bitch, read at your own risk. Now that you are past the warning sign post you cant accuse me of being a MCP or something like that.

So here goes an interesting piece of conversation -

Venue: Apache - FC Road
Participants: Yours truely, Pandey, Kesari, Pnaik and a "Offshored to Japs" friend of "some aquaintance". [ Yeah whats this guy doing here, I wanted to ask the same ]. { I hate excess baggage, but this was a surprise item }. Anyways lets call him Mr_Know_it_all.

Menu: French fries, Chicken Sandwitches, Beer
Music: Pearl Jam, Metallica, Linkin Park, System of a down, etcetera
Mood: Drunk

Mr_Know_it_all: I have bose speakers, I have blah...i bought it in Singapore for blah $.
I have Bose headphones, I plug them to my blah....[ ass ]
--- SNIP ---

Mood: Bored

Me: I read somewhere that Japanese females these days dont want to get married.
Mr_Know_it_all: Yeah its a big issue out there.
Me: I guess its because japanese men have small dicks
Mr_Know_it_all: [ Acting smart ] How do you know?
Me: Ohh I saw it in porns
Mr_Know_it_all: But japanese chicks are tight down there
Me: Ohh ok, I didnt know that
Mr_Know_it_all: And russian chicks are so amazing in bed
Me: Russian chicks? huuum, thats weird.
Mr_Know_it_all: No russians are good man, you should get married to one. I can tell you a website. blah blah blah.
Me: Huh, you talking about brides.ru? what are you? A pimp or something
Pandey: Exactly.

Geek Thing #1102

When people ask me stupid questions like why did I buy Maruti [ Esteem ].
An Eakta Kapoor style explanation could be:

I wanted to buy a car which had "ma" at the start and "ti" to end it and a "r" somewhere. That left me with two options -
Maserati & Maruti.
Since I couldnt afford the former one, I went with the later.

Geek Thing #1101

Posted by Picasa

Found - ~(1%2B-sqrt(5))*(2**-1) on Slashdot commenting about Vim 6.4 release.
Image from John Dierdorf's home page.

Temptation #1101

The urge to guzzle a pint while you are leaving for the day when :

You have had consumed ample the day before, and havent caught sleep.


Alcoholism is a dependency on alcohol characterized by craving (a strong need to drink), loss of control (being unable to stop drinking despite a desire to do so), physical dependence and withdrawal symptoms, and tolerance (increasing difficulty of becoming drunk).

[ From Wikipedia ]

Aaargh #1101

[1] Downloading a >= 700MB file on P2P network to discover you already had it.
[2] Loosing a download in Emule due to insufficient diskspace / power outage.

Specimen #1102

This is interesting. I got it from one of the victims. [ So dont make any assumptions about the IQs of people I work with, I dont work *there* ]. Reflects some serious aspects of corporate email ethics. [ Bit of formatting done, although you can notice the email writing skills of the involved people ]. God save this country !!

----- Original Message -----

From: Specimen #1102

To: Potential_Specimens; BirdBrain Bitch ; all@whatever.com

Sent: Wednesday, July 27, 2005 4:33 PM

Subject: cosmic attack


Tonight by 12.30 am cosmo rays from Mars enter into our atmosphere. You are reqested to SWITCH OFF your mobile during that time .This is a request by NASA through BBC . Pls Forward it to all

Thanks & Regards,
Specimen #1102

----- Original Message -----
From: BirdBrain Bitch [mailto:xxxxxxxx@mahindrabt.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 27, 2005 4:49 PM
To: Specimen #1102 ; Potential_Specimens ; all@whatever.com

Subject: Re: cosmic attack



hey everyone is interested in knowing details abt it .......plz send soon!!

questions:



1. why r rays cmg frm mars?

2. wht time do they stop cmg??

3. y affecting only mobiles?

4. will it affect all sorts of phones: GSM/WLL?

5. ne delay due to rain?

plz answer these first we'll follow the next round of questions later!!!


Thanks and Regards,


BirdBrain Bitch
Babylon, ICE
O2(U.K) -MBT

Tel : +91 20 560xxxxx Extn : xxxx
>From UK : 0845 xxx xxxx Extn : xxxx

----- Original Message -----
From: The_Guy_Who_Fights_The_Scum [ I like this guy ]
To: 'Specimen #1102 ' ; Potential_Specimens; BirdBrain Bitch
Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2005 9:59 AM
Subject: RE: cosmic attack


Hi,

This is official spokesperson for the cosmic rays issue

Here are the answers



As India is an overpopulated country Mars is overly populated with rays.. so they(rays) migrate to earth every time a mail like this is circulated
They stop coming as soon as you forward the mail.
They affect only mobiles because it is written in the mail.
It affects only the cell phones of ppl who don’t pay their monthly bill..(no worry for ppl with prepaid connection)
Instead they come really fast in rains as they skid on the rain water
I hope this answers your questions

If you have more questions you are most welcome



Thanks

XXXX

Senior scientist , NASA

Specimen #1101

Subject - FW: It is not a five star hotel. IT IS A CALL CENTER

-|-
-|-
-|-

A chain of embedded outlook messages. I hate these intertwined forwards, they just seem to be circulating around since the big bang. The campus is INFOSYS Mysore centre. Who gave this son of a gun this bright idea that its a call centre,

When you yourselves are a disgruntled employee of some second tier call centre, because you dont deserve more than that as is apparent from such bandwidth hogging emails, and expect more than what you deserve, when your job profile involves bugging people with bullshit offers of personal loans and free credit cards, when you have that weird bhaiya accent..this is what you can do at best...

Forward those stupid emails...!!